The author Tomi Erävaara is part of the Academic Work Finland management team. As a long-time manager and leader, Tomi has witnessed first-hand the amount of potential in early career professionals and how companies that invest in them succeed.
"What can I help with?" is a damn terrible question coming from a manager. It is imprecise and requires the individual to identify what they do not know yet. I have used it myself as a manager, but through experience, I have learned that there is a similar question that works significantly better.
For over 10 years, I have acted as a close manager especially for early career professionals and noticed that they can be roughly divided into four types based on how they approach asking for help:
Uncertain double-checker, who constantly asks for permission and confirmation for even small things.
Late responder, who asks for help only when the fire is raging uncontrollably.
Overconfident loner, who never needs help. Knows everything, or thinks so.
Mature realist, who can identify the need for help at the right time and articulate it.
The latter are very rare. They are required to have strong professional expertise, mental maturity, and humility. Have any of us started our careers with these skills? That is exactly why the role of a manager is key.
However, often what we call leading is in reality outsourcing responsibility. For example, by asking what you can help with, you outsource the identification of the problem, the wording, and the formulation of the request for help, and on top of that, the courage to spit it all out. It is not fair, and it is not leading.
We all have experiences with managers whose intentions were sincere, but whose approach was mechanical. Those who repeated the open-ended questions they learned in manager training. It is one thing to listen, and another to actually hear.
That is why I have started asking: What do we do together?
Three similar words to "What can I help with?", but with a completely different effect. What do we do together signals that I want to do things with you, I am interested in you, I hear you, and I am fully present.
When these three magic words combine with knowing a team member’s work, expertise, strengths, and challenges, we go far. These pieces are what form leadership, and it cannot be done from a distance. You have to be interested. You have to hear. You have to do together. You have to be close.
If we want to achieve a good result together, we must be ready to give a lot of ourselves. Especially those in the early career stage need the experience of being acknowledged as individuals and given help in the right way. Do not outsource responsibility to them, share it. That is good leading.
If you are a close manager, my tip to you is: do not demand needs, but ask what do we do together.